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Come One, Come All, Gentlemen

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Come One, Come All, Gentlemen

Post by Vero on Tue 15 Oct 2013, 3:35 am

Have someone you really hate? Someone who needs to be eliminated? Someone who looks like fun to shoot? Well do I have the weapon for you! Freshly produced out of the local vending machine, we bring you this hunk of garbage from God knows where, and I could really care less until I start seeing the Benjamin Franklins you're handing over. It's capable of shooting little light blue balls that make people explode on the spot! That's right ladies and germs, you get to reenact those movie scenes where people explode into gore for free, for an easy payment of $499.99! That's right, get your very own carbine for $499.99! We'll probably sell out soon or throw them all in the dumpster, so contact us shortly!

We are not at all responsible for any physical, emotional, psychological, or any property damage done by this weapon.

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Re: Come One, Come All, Gentlemen

Post by Bloodtrailkiller on Tue 15 Oct 2013, 6:42 pm

Screw that noise!
Buy a B-13 Rifle! Thanks to the electric projecticles this weapon uses, you can plug it in at any house three prong plugin!
Not only is the B-13 bigger than his little carabine, but it is nonlethal!* So you can have fun and shock your friends! your dogs! your cats! your owls! your mother! your angry wife that won't let you back in the house!
Even better! You can Run with this Rifle!

*=nonlethaluntilfiringthetargetmultipletimes
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Re: Come One, Come All, Gentlemen

Post by Vero on Sun 03 Nov 2013, 6:27 pm

.-.
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Re: Come One, Come All, Gentlemen

Post by TitanSeraph on Sun 03 Nov 2013, 8:48 pm

OR, YOU COULD BE A REAL MAN. BUY A REAL MAN WEAPON. HANDLE A REAL MAN WEAPON. BE THE REAL MAN.
One's a toy. One's a shock baton which will shock you before shocking anyone, and will fall apart when you most need it.

And one, ladies and gentlemen, is a plasma rifle, compact, solid with a genuine weight!
Win all your arguments! Slap your kids and wife from afar! Kill the alien queen!

Ladies and gentlemen:
The bitchslap:



TWO FIRE MODES! One fires a stream of plasma, burns, and hurts. The other is the plasma tag, just to slap yo wife and kids! Or tag those pesky rockets away with their crappy heatseeking doodadds!
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Re: Come One, Come All, Gentlemen

Post by Wehrmacht Cat on Sun 03 Nov 2013, 9:26 pm

Don't listen to these pansy salesmen! Weapon manufacturers? More like toy makers!
If you want to get REAL shit down with a REAL gun, look no further than the...

ARMORBANE





Mark. 41 Autocannon, designed for MAXIMUM ILLEGALITY and MAXIMUM CARNAGE!

Indeed, we didn't even make it ourselves! WE STOLE IT FROM A SECRET WEAPONS FACILITY IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY!

FIRING 20mm ROUNDS AT THE ASS-THUNDERING RATE OF 300 ROUNDS PER MINUTE!

THAT'S 5 ROUNDS PER SECOND, ALSO KNOWN AS YOUR OWN PERSONAL POINT AND PULL FUCK-SHIT-UP MACHINE!

HAS HE GOT ARMOR? FUCK THAT, THIS THING KILLS TANKS!

NOW WITH A NEW AIM ASSIST SYSTEM AND INNOVATIVE RECOIL CONTROL IT FEELS LIKE YOU'RE USING A CHAINSAW TO CUT UP YOUR TARGETS FROM A MILE AWAY!

BUY ONE NOW FOR THE EASY PRICE OF YOUR SOUL!
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Re: Come One, Come All, Gentlemen

Post by Guest on Sun 03 Nov 2013, 9:28 pm

One soul for the ARMORBANE. I want that shit now.

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Re: Come One, Come All, Gentlemen

Post by Wehrmacht Cat on Sun 03 Nov 2013, 9:33 pm

ONE ARMORBANE COMING RIGHT UP!

A tank drops from the sky, smashing into the ground. It explodes, sending a metal box up into the sky that lands right in front of you. This in turn explodes, blinding your vision. You feel a massively heavy ARMORBANE land on top of you.
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Re: Come One, Come All, Gentlemen

Post by Guest on Sun 03 Nov 2013, 9:34 pm

ARMOOOOORBAAAAAAAANE.

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Re: Come One, Come All, Gentlemen

Post by Vero on Sun 03 Nov 2013, 9:37 pm

The Viking wrote:Screw that noise!
Buy a B-13 Rifle! Thanks to the electric projecticles this weapon uses, you can plug it in at any house three prong plugin!
Not only is the B-13 bigger than his little carabine, but it is nonlethal!* So you can have fun and shock your friends! your dogs! your cats! your owls! your mother! your angry wife that won't let you back in the house!
Even better! You can Run with this Rifle!

*=nonlethaluntilfiringthetargetmultipletimes
TitanSeraph wrote:OR, YOU COULD BE A REAL MAN. BUY A REAL MAN WEAPON. HANDLE A REAL MAN WEAPON. BE THE REAL MAN.
One's a toy. One's a shock baton which will shock you before shocking anyone, and will fall apart when you most need it.

And one, ladies and gentlemen, is a plasma rifle, compact, solid with a genuine weight!
Win all your arguments! Slap your kids and wife from afar! Kill the alien queen!

Ladies and gentlemen:
The bitchslap:



TWO FIRE MODES! One fires a stream of plasma, burns, and hurts. The other is the plasma tag, just to slap yo wife and kids! Or tag those pesky rockets away with their crappy heatseeking doodadds!
59-16 wrote:Don't listen to these pansy salesmen! Weapon manufacturers? More like toy makers!
If you want to get REAL shit down with a REAL gun, look no further than the...

ARMORBANE





Mark. 41 Autocannon, designed for MAXIMUM ILLEGALITY and MAXIMUM CARNAGE!

Indeed, we didn't even make it ourselves! WE STOLE IT FROM A SECRET WEAPONS FACILITY IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY!

FIRING 20mm ROUNDS AT THE ASS-THUNDERING RATE OF 300 ROUNDS PER MINUTE!

THAT'S 5 ROUNDS PER SECOND, ALSO KNOWN AS YOUR OWN PERSONAL POINT AND PULL FUCK-SHIT-UP MACHINE!

HAS HE GOT ARMOR? FUCK THAT, THIS THING KILLS TANKS!

NOW WITH A NEW AIM ASSIST SYSTEM AND INNOVATIVE RECOIL CONTROL IT FEELS LIKE YOU'RE USING A CHAINSAW TO CUT UP YOUR TARGETS FROM A MILE AWAY!

BUY ONE NOW FOR THE EASY PRICE OF YOUR SOUL!
it's asstacular
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Re: Come One, Come All, Gentlemen

Post by Mr One on Mon 04 Nov 2013, 7:29 am


Pfft puny weapon Now what you REALLY want is one of these bad boys. THREE BARRLES are better than one. Why not try it today. A gun that could shoot down a spaceship the MK X is the gun for you. Three barrels mean this bad boy fires 50mm ROUNDS AT THE RATE OF 900 ROUNDS PER MINUTE. That's a whopping 15 rounds per second. That's not all these babies can shred anything to pieces with it's awesome firepower guaranteed. All yours for a easy payment of $5000.
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Re: Come One, Come All, Gentlemen

Post by Wehrmacht Cat on Mon 04 Nov 2013, 7:31 am

Mr One wrote:
Pfft puny weapon Now what you REALLY want is one of these bad boys. THREE BARRLES are better than one. Why not try it today. A gun that could shoot down a spaceship the MK X is the gun for you. Three barrels mean this bad boy fires 50mm ROUNDS AT THE RATE OF 900 ROUNDS PER MINUTE. That's a whopping 15 rounds per second. That's not all these babies can shred anything to pieces with it's awesome firepower guaranteed. All yours for a easy payment of $5000.
50mm rounds at 15 shots per second.

Say goodbye to your shoulder.
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Re: Come One, Come All, Gentlemen

Post by Mr One on Mon 04 Nov 2013, 7:35 am

I forgot to mention that when you buy this you get the exopad for free to shoot in style and comfort. ^_^
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Re: Come One, Come All, Gentlemen

Post by Wehrmacht Cat on Mon 04 Nov 2013, 7:36 am

Mr One wrote:I forgot to mention that when you buy this you get the exopad for free to shoot in style and comfort. ^_^
I mean, sure, 3 barrels nice and all and 50mm rounds, but that must be one big gun, then. 50mm is more or less tank shells...

Plus, it doesn't have a huge-ass bayonet to carve up people in close combat.
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Re: Come One, Come All, Gentlemen

Post by Mr One on Mon 04 Nov 2013, 7:50 am

Haha with this gun you WON'T be in close combat. And it's 3 ft long. But it's lightweight thanks to the material it's made from, collected from a distant moon. Manufacturing is all secret of course.
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Re: Come One, Come All, Gentlemen

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